Elizabeth Had No Chance

>> Monday, November 30, 2009

I do not own the rights, of course. These belong to Jane Austen and Focus Features. The Deviant artists are as follows: sonny123, cuetherevolution, renton1313, ooShionoo, twelveofdecember, Delight046, Ladama Llama, hitora, and ellaine.

Please do not sue me and yadda yadda.


Give Thanks

>> Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!


Outcast of Redwall Quotes

>> Monday, November 23, 2009

Picture by angelsunbomb

"When blood of weak meets blood of strong,/ Reap the whirlwind you have sown,/ Beware the lightning summer mark,/ Of one whom you have known./ To the Lord who scorns all pity,/ Open wide Dark Forest Gate,/ There a little flower awaits,/ One day to seal your fate."

"Each of us is born to follow a star, be it bright and shining or dark and fated. Sometimes the paths of these stars will cross, bringing love or hatred. However, if you look up at the skies on a clear night, Out of all the countless nights that twinkle and shine, there will come one. That star will be seen in a blaze, burning a path of light across the roof of the earth, a great comet. Think on these words as my tale unfolds. Mayhap you will learn something valuable, not about stars, but of the value friendship brings."

"I am the messenger of Death and fate. I see visions in the stars, the wind, and the eyes of many!" Greenclaw had heard enough. Drawing his sword, he came at the vixen. "Did your visions tell that you'd end up dead today?"

"Arm not alas sand, 'way south in the west,/ So star land a mat, there's where I love best,/ Sand not as alarm, lone seabirds do wing,/ And alas most ran, list' to me whilst I sing."
He hung on to the turning limb, shouting, "Stop! Stop! What do you want?" The big eel sank back and, wrapping itself around the hawser, it pulled with the others as it answered, "Want you..."

"When I was just a little beast,/ I was so small an' weak,/ I'd often fall flat on me tail,/ An' I could 'ardly speak./ I scarce could totter round the floor,/ Me whiskers used to droop,/ 'Til granma made a great big pot/ Of good ole 'otroot soup!"

"I am Swarrt Sixclaw, Warlord of this horde!" Balefur looked away insolently as if dismissing him. "Aye, so ah've heard, what else is new, ferret?"

"Oh, 'Twas all in the summertime,/ Our hearts did sadly grieve,/ The searats stole up in the night,/ And with our babes did leave."

"Ooooh! Plip plop, hear the water drop,/ And larks take wing as the buds go pop!/ And the sun do shine as the birds do sing,/ Throw open wide the gates of spring!"

"Cut the cake, cut the cake,/ Cut the cake for goodness sake,/ Me an' my mate have each got a plate,/ An' here we have to sit an' wait./ So cut the cake, say the grace,/ Let's get cream upon me face,/ An' sticky paws as a slice I take,/ Oh cut that cake for goodness sake!"

"I never asked your species, hare, er, squirrel, I asked your name! What is it?" The squirrelhare leapt to a higher branch, missed it, and fell flat on the ground in front of Sumin. "You don't want to know!" he said. "Yes, I do!" "Oh, all right, then. M' name is Wilthurio Longbarrow Sackfirth Toxophola Fedlric Fritillary Wilfrand Hurdleframe Longarrow Leawelt Pugnacio Cinnabar Hillwether..." "Stop, stop! You were right, I don't want to know!"

"Come on now, don't go sulkin' an' mopin', apologize t'me like a goodbeast an' ask me fer mercy." He kicked the Captain, sending him sprawling on the road. Muggra spat earth as he whimpered, "Mercy, Lord, I was wrong to argue with yer!" Swarrt laughed harshly, stepping on Mugra's back as he passed him. "Get out o' me sight, y' snivellin' craven, an' thank yer lucky stars I'm in a good mood t'day!"

"Oh we chased 'em off the highway,/ They fled off to the west,/ We sent 'em every whichway,/ Our warriors are the best./ They'll never see ole Redwall,/ 'Cos they were forced to flee,/ Sent on their way by shaft 'n' stone/ From every greenwood tree."

"Just before I slew him, my old father used to have a saying: "Where fate is sealed on battle's field,/ And many low are laid,/ The wisest mind stays behind,/ And let the fools get slayed!"

Give him a name and leave him awhile,/ Veil may live to be evil and vile,/ Though I hope my prediction will fail,/ And evil so vile will not live in Veil.

"Veil, you must go now. I declare you Outcast!" a cry like that of a wounded animal broke the silence. Byrony dashed forward, trying to get hold of the young ferret. "No, no! Not my Veil. Please, let him stay. I'll look after him, he'll change, you'll see, I'll talk to him...!"

Veil looked stunned as Jodd cut the bonds from his paws, and he stared at the old badger on the steps, crying, "What about me? I've got no family, I'm alone. What'll I do?" Seizing the ferret's paws in a vicelike grip, Skipperjo brought his face close and said through gritted teeth, "Little Sixclaw the poisoner, eh? I knowed who you was, matey, from the day I picked you up suckin' frogspawn in a muddy ditch! Yore the whelp of that other six-clawed vermin, Swarrt the Warlord. Aye, the one who's over at Salamandastron mountain right now, fightin' the great badger lord. Why don't yer travel over thatways, due west and through the mountains, they say, an' take a look at some real slayin', or would 'onest warfare be too noble for a sneakin' poisoner!" Then, dragging Veil by both paws, the big otter lugged him through the gateway and flung him on the path. "Go an' work your evil someplace else, scum!"
Inside on the lawn, Bella and the Abbess held Byrony close between them as she pleaded, wept, and begged for them to give Veil one last chance-Veil, the ferret she had reared and loved from a babe, despite all his evil ways.
Sunflash smiled at Sundew. "Afraid, missie?" he asked. She looked up at the Badger Lord, his golden stripe showing through the open visor of a high black war helmet, massive chest covered by a fine chain-mail tunic, and the great mace balanced easily over his broad shoulder. "Not while you're around, Sire!" she said.
Gasping for breath, he pleaded for his life, "Sirrah, a boon, a boon, spare me!" There was no mercy in the face of the Long Patrol Captain. He knocked the rapier to one side and thrust forward with the curving sabertip. "You ask for mercy, ferret? You who moments ago whipped a wounded creature with your blade! Tchah! You have lived the life of a coward, now learn t'die like a soldier, sir!"
"Why do creatures have to have wars and kill one another? Why can't everybeast live in peace and be contented? I was just thinkin' before you came in, Sire, Fordpetal won't ever see another summer day or laugh an' smile again. Why?"
Togget was snoring gently and Byrony's eyes were beginning to droop when she heard a deep bass voice singing: "One day in spring I said to me wife,/ 'Though we're close together as fork 'n' knife,/ An' I've loved y'dearly all of me life,/ Still I'll have to follow the wateeeeeeeer!' "
"We may have the numbers, but they've got the heart!"
Byrony felt the shaft of the javelin strike her hard across her back. She was knocked flat. "Hahah! Gotcher mouse! What're y'doin' 'ere?" Swarrt seized her roughly and dragged the mousemaid upright. Sunflash was coughing and gagging on the liquid trapped in his throat as Veil came racing around the fire. "Yer scummy liddle sneak, you was tryin' to set 'im loose!" Swarrt roared. Veil struck Swarrt hard in the face, tearing the captive from his grasp. "Byrony, get out of 'ere. Run!"
"Right y'are, Bella marm, y'know what I always say: 'Apples is ripe when they're ready,/ When pears is ripe they'll fall,/ What must happen will happen,/ Or it won't happen at all!'"
"Home returning, home returning,/ Comes the warrior from the war,/ Home returning, home returning,/ Home to wander nevermore!"
"Is the tale finished? Oh, rats! I wanted it to go on an' on an' jolly well on f'rever!"
"There's bread an' cheese upon the shelf, want another story, tell it y'self."



>> Thursday, November 19, 2009

Picture by chief-orc
I know I haven't posted in a while. Sorry, please wait, it's taking me FOREVER to type up the Outcast of Redwall Quotes.
Please wait.


Actually Looks Pretty Good

>> Thursday, November 12, 2009

How to Train Your Dragon Trailer


Redwall VS. The Vampire Hound

>> Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The last time I read The Vampire Hound by Jim Kraft was six years ago. So I read it again.
It was awesome then, and it was awesome now. Slatkin was still my favorite (despite the fact he's a bit of a villain) and the only reason it never hit the best-seller's list, was because of the mega-dorky cover. Anyhoo, just thought I'd do another Redwall vs. "animal book" face off.


.In Redwall, no humans, dogs, pigs, bears...or vampires for that matter
.VH set in Victorian London, Redwall is medieval
.Rats in Redwall are evil, but rats in VH aren't
.No rich/poor classes in Redwall
.No carriages in Redwall (Unless you count Cluny's hay cart)
.In Redwall, no mention of Historical figures
.No cemeteries in Redwall
.No cities, factories, or machinery in Redwall
.All villains die in Redwall

.Ferrets bad (kinda)
.Bad grammar on the characters' parts
.Again, with the ale. Oh yes, and the tea.
.Ferrets, rats, mice, squirrels, ravens, moles
.The low-life vermin are best chums despite the fact they're ALWAYS arguing
.Villain goes good (Blaggut & Slatkin)
.Dull-witted minions
.Villain is sadistic and quick to anger
.Poor family won't accept charity (Churchmice)
Picture by rimpala



>> Monday, November 9, 2009

You ain't seen nothing until you've seen the Extended Edition of The Return of the King. Even the OTHER movies paled in comparision! (And that's saying a lot.) The most action-packed, and the most funny, it took my breath away.

Yes, I finally saw it last Saturday. There was more to the battles, more amazing scenes, and even a song by Liv Tyler!


The Bellmaker Quotes

>> Thursday, November 5, 2009

Picture by Zelwood
Many warriors own the glory /But the saying in Redwall is /"This is the Bellmaker's story /Because the dream was his."

Agric developed a sudden stammer.

"I cast aside the pen in favor of the spoon."

"Give us dinner every eve, /Or we'll pack our bags and leave. /Where we'll go to we don't know, /Up the path a league or so. /If we don't find comfort there, /Back to Redwall we'll repair. /We'll eat pudden, pie, and cake, /All the Abbey cooks can make!"

"How is it that I'm naught but a flattering fraud and Saxtus gets thanked for his gallantry?" grumbled the bellmaker, as he attacked a salad busily.

"Compliments are like clouds, my friend: very pretty, but if we had to dine on them we'd starve."

"That's my Tarkers for you, always payin' me compliments," she said. "Er, that was a compliment, wasn't it?"

"Cheer up, Rufey. It'll be a great adventure. I've been on adventures before, you'll enjoy it."

Nagru dangled the pitiful rags against the cage door, chanting in a singsong voice: "Ho, Dirgecallers, swift and sleek,/ You shall have your share./ Fangs will rip and blood will leak,/ Scent your victims. There!"

Often they would break out into river shanties, gruff bass voices resounding in the countryside- "I was born on a stream and fed from a padddle,/ Shrum a doo rye 'ey, shrum a doo rye 'ey,/ And here I'll stay 'til me tail don't waggle,/ See longweeds grow where the currents flow,/ Aye, that's the way I like it soooooooooooo./ Shrum a doo rye 'ey, shrum a doo rye 'ey, /Ho run you river, run my way,/ Ho ummm, ho ummmm, ho ummmm!"

Dandin looked away from the wild glittering eyes. "Whew! Wouldn't like to meet him on a dark night." Glokkpod inched closer to the flap. "Woulda like to meet me anytime, mousa!"

Still with his paw about Rufe's shoulder, Joseph recited some words he had put together for the ceremony:" Friend is a very small word,/ A little sound we make,/ For one who is there, one who will do,/ Great deeds for friendship's sake."

Furrtil had regained her composure by now. She attached herself to Blaggut's leg, chuckling, "Oi loik 'ee, zurr. You'm a funny vurmint." "D'yer 'ear that, cap'n? The liddle molemaid likes me!" The searat's face was a picture of delight.

"Comin' aboard, ahoy, an' all that nautical nonsense!"

"Whoa there was an ole lobster who married a cod,/ Boggle me barnacles, sail off t'sea,/ And tho' all the cockles an' clams thought it odd,/ Boggle me barnacles, over the brine,/ I know yer a codfish but darlin' yore mine!"

"This humble abode doth suit me fine,/ A simple homely place, 'tis mine."

"They murdered and tricked their way into power-have you ever heard of them, Finn?" The sea otter touched his twin sword hilts ominously. "No, but when we meet, I'm sure the pleasure'll be all mine, matey. I've allus been a freebeast, an' I never could take to tyrants an' conquerors, 'specialy those who'd make orphans of liddle 'uns. Bad fortune to 'em says I, an' I'm the beast who'll bring it to 'em!"

Figgs followed Rosie about, throwing her paws in the air and repeating over and over, "Lack a day, no tucker's left, lack a day!"

"Well, swoggle me whiskers an' rot me rudder, if I ain't a bottle-nosed son of a barnacle!"

"Friends, good creatures all, I thank you for rallying to me, and this, your standard. It is only and ordinary broom, but it will be the symbol of our army. This will show those who try to conquer and enslave us that ordinary things can become very dangerous, like this broom."

"Free southswaaaaaard!" The army took off like a hurricane, headed for Castle Floret with Bowly in the vanguard. Racing alongside the tribal leaders were hedgehogs, moles, mice, otters, and squirrels. With the broom waving high in his paws, Bowly yelled his war cries to the four winds. He was a warrior!

Blerun leaned on his lance and nodded. "I know; we have watched you since you camped there. Do you serve Urgan Nagru the Foxwolf?" Before an otter could lift javelin, Finnbarr's twin swords had cleared thier sheaths. He went into a fighting crouch, his single eye glittering hotly. "No, matey, we've come t'battle with 'im, so if you're on the Foxwolf's side we'd best start the party right 'ere!"

Blaggut walked around the ramparts and descended by the south wall steps, stopping on the final stair. His voice was raw and husky with sorrowing. "I killed my own Cap'n this morn. Yore badger was a good creature, 'e did wrong to slay 'er. I would've stopped 'im, but it all 'appened so quick. Any 'ow, I brought back the cup fer the liddle uns an' that's that; you kin kill me now." Saxtus took the dagger from Oak Tom and stowed it in his wide habit sleeve, and he turned to the mousebabe. "You saw what happened. I leave it to you. Does he deserve to die, or would you let him live?" There was a moment's silence. Every Redwaller looked on anxiously as the mousebabe trundled over to the wall steps and took Blaggut's paw in his. "Mister Blackguts is good, norra killer; he makes boats." Furrtil joined him, latching herself onto the searat's other paw trustingly. "Hurr, that be roight, ee'm a gennelbeat, oi loikes 'im."
Silvamord's sword had gone right through. Fatch's head lolled to one side as he smiled weakly into Rufe's face. "Told you I'd look after you, didn't I, mate?" The eyes of Fatch, the loyal Guosim shrew, clouded over and closed for the last time. Durry Quill turned and guarded both his friends. Rufe had both paws around the body of his protector, weeping softly as he rocked him back and both.
The molebabe thought about this for a moment before replying, "Hurr, vurry good, zurrs, but ee know wot I allus say?" Rufe smiled at him. "No, tell me what you always say." The bass-voiced molebabe waved his stick in the air and charged off shouting.



>> Monday, November 2, 2009

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
Why does an alarm go off? Shouldn't it go on?

If all the world's a stage, where's the audience sitting?

Why is the 3rd hand on the watch called the 2nd hand?

Why is rush hour so slow?

Why are bleachers called stands if they're made for sitting?

What do they put as "hair color" on the license if the man's bald?

What's another word for thesarus?

How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
If a store is open 24 hours, why are there locks on the door?
How do you get deer to cross at those yellow signs?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Aren't all mysteries unsolved?
What's the speed of dark?
Why do we have eyebrows?
Can fish drown?
Why is it called a black light if it's purple?
Do penguins have knees?
How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks grey?
Why do our feet smell and our noses run?
Who shuts the door when the bus driver gets off?


I Am An Otter

You're an otter, mate! Another good friend of Redwall, you are a natural swimmer and a deadly fighter especially with a long bow or javellin. Camp Willow is your home, just as Redwall is your second home. You have a good heart and a strong sense of loyalty. You absolutely love Shrimp and Hotroot soup, living by the motto "Ain't nothing 'otter for an Otter!".

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