"Here is a Story That's Stranger Than Strange..."

>> Thursday, August 18, 2011

Zorgamazoo
by Robert Paul Weston

Zorgamazoo has to be the quirkiest book I've ever read. For one thing, it's all in rhyme. For another, it's the story of an adventurous girl and a not-quite-so-adventurous Zorgle who set out to rescue the Zorgles of Zorgamazoo, and end up saving the world from the terrible fate of boredom.

Katrina Katrell was an extremely likable, plucky heroine. The descriptions were witty and the book was loads of fun. Now I wish that every book was told in rhyme.

If Roald Dahl and Dr. Seuss had teamed up to write a book, Zorgamazoo would have probably been the result.

So if you've no time for whimsical things,
for pirates and gadgets and creatures and kings,
if you spurn the fantastic to never return
then
PUT THIS BOOK DOWN...
for it's not your concern.
-Excerpt

Favorite Line:
"Hey You!" she cried out./"Do you want some advice?/How 'bout/kidnapping /people is not/very nice!"

Objectionable content: A few mentions of bodily functions.

Related Reads:
James and the Giant Peach-Roald Dahl
A House Called Awful End-Philip Ardagh
Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator-Roald Dahl

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Help

>> Monday, August 15, 2011

The Help
rated PG-13 for thematic material.

I swore I would review every movie I saw in theaters this year, but there's really not much to tell.
After the first five minutes I left and went to go watch Harry Potter instead.

Why did I leave? Because:
a) I wasn't following any of it,
b) There was too much swearing,
and
c) The characters were having innapropriate conversations.

So, yeah.

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Yet Another Harry Potter Post

>> Saturday, August 13, 2011

The Harry Potter cast shared memories from filming the eight movies over a decade, and I thought I'd share them with you.
Enjoy.
(Belongs to Entertainment Weekly.)

"I was pretty intimidated by Ralph [Fiennes; Voldemort]. I still am to a certain extent. In real life he is quite sweet. But in terms of his acting, it can make you quake in your boots a little bit."
—Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter)

''When it came time to shoot the big kiss between Ron and Hermione, Rupert [Grint] and I cracked under the pressure. We were just dying from laughter. It was quite hard to take it all so seriously, but we also knew we had to do it right, because we had only been building up to this moment for 10 years and seven films. I think we got there at the end. I was nervous and giggly, but it was good.'' —Emma Watson (Hermione Granger)

''The first thing I shot was the very last scene of the first film, when we're all on the train and leaving Hogwarts and going home. It was my first time anywhere near a film set. There were so many people and so much going on. It was very confusing, and very overwhelming, and yet also really, really exciting. From the very first time Chris Columbus said, 'Action!' I was just on this amazing high." —Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley)
''[Prisoner of Azkaban director] Alfonso Cuarón asked us to write essays about our characters. I didn't do mine, because I didn't think Ron would. Or that was my excuse. At the time, I was actually quite busy with the real schoolwork involved with my exams, and I just didn't do it. But in the end, it felt right because that's what Ron would have done.'' —Grint

''Chris wisely kept me away from [Daniel, Emma, and Rupert] before our first scene together. So in that sense, the first person they met was Gilderoy Lockhart. They seemed to enjoy and be fairly flabbergasted at his extraordinary personality, hair, and teeth. But I got to know them after that.'' —Kenneth Branagh (Gilderoy Lockhart)

''I wore a fat suit in [films] 3, 4, 5, and 6. And I had false teeth in 3 and 4. I didn't mind it — until I was 14 or 15 and there were girls on set. I was a bit like, 'Why me?' '' —Matthew Lewis (Neville Longbottom)
 
''My [filming] was always contained to seven weeks of the year. The rest of the time I was making other movies or directing. But as soon as I put that Snape costume back on, I sort of go, 'Oh, yeah...I know you.'' —Alan Rickman (Severus Snape)

''To be a schoolboy up in the gallery watching Michael Gambon and Maggie Smith at the National Theatre, and then [decades later] to find yourself sitting in a canvas chair, laughing with them on set... It's very special.'' —Rickman
 
''Had I ever thought that I would be doing a scene with Gary Oldman that lasted a month, as my fight scene did, I would have always imagined it to have been Shakespeare, not a wand battle on a papier-mâché hillside. But still! It was more fun than people should get paid for.'' —Jason Isaacs (Lucius Malfoy)
 
''We all read the books when Jo [Rowling] released them, along with everyone else. It let us experience the books as readers and as fans, not just as people who work on the movie.'' —Bonnie Wright (Ginny Weasley)

''I was so scared of Alan that it took me about five years to muster up a conversation with him. But he has an incredible sense of dry wit. While Snape is a very daunting character, Alan is actually a very friendly guy.''
—Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy)

''All these props and sets started to feel real, the more you used them over the course of the films. The wands weren't just a prop or a piece of wood. They were very personal to you. There was something very, dare I say 'magical,' about it.'' —Warwick Davis (Professor Flitwick)

''Oh, I loved my [onscreen] children! I loved them! The fourth film, I wasn't in it, and I got postcard from them saying, 'Come back, Mom! Dad can't control us!' The whole feel of the job was very homey and very family. I've never known a film [series] like it. I suppose it's because we were there for 10 years and we saw the children grow up and the rest of us grow old. It didn't ever feel like work.'' —Julie Walters (Mrs. Weasley)

''When you use a wand, it's like [playing Nintendo] Wii. You use a lot of strength, but you're not actually hitting anything, so the next day your arm will be killing you from all that wand action.'' —Natalia Tena (Tonks)

''I was an obsessive fan of the books and movies. I remember the day [director] David Yates phoned the house and said I'd be doing a screen test with Daniel Radcliffe. I was pretending to be like, 'Yup, that's fine.' And I was freaking out inside.'' —Evanna Lynch (Luna Lovegood)

''[My twin brother Oliver and I] actually didn't find out who was going to play Fred Weasley and who was going to play George Weasley until the read-through. We had the scripts and everything. I honestly did prefer Fred, and that's how it turned out.'' —James Phelps (Fred Weasley)

''I've always played bad people or funny people. I've never really played such a nice person in my life, certainly not for 10 years. So that was a really nice departure for me, and I still get sort of goggle-eyed 10-year-olds staring at me in supermarkets. It's quite odd, really.'' —Robbie Coltrane (Hagrid)

''I remember the very first take of the very first scene that I did; as I minced out of Dumbledore's office, Chris Columbus shouted, 'Shut the door behind you!' And I asked, 'Could I just wave my arm and the door shuts by magic?' And he said, 'Sure!' And I thought, 'This is going to be a ride.' And it was.'' —Jason Isaacs (Lucius Malfoy)

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30 Awesome Characters

>> Monday, August 8, 2011

Once again, I got this idea from All That is Gold (stop doing awesome posts, Marian!:) The rules are to list 30 fictional characters that you like, you identify with, have influenced you, or are simply unforgettable.
Let's begin.

Spider Carey from Dirty Magic by Carol Hughes
Dustfinger from Inkheart by Cornelia Funke
Smike from Nicholas Nickleby by Charles Dickens
Shifu from Kung Fu Panda
Mr. Tumnus from The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis
Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean
Sirius Black from Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling
Mr. Darcy from Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen
Gandalf from The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien
Aragorn
Faramir
Eomer
Samwise Gamgee
Paton Yewbeam from Charlie Bone by Jenny Nimmo
Vanessa Santoro from Fablehaven by Brandon Mull
Shiara from Talking to Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede
Puddleglum from The Silver Chair by C. S. Lewis
Gwydion from The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander
Eilonwy
Fflewdur Fflam
Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling
Reepicheep from The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis
Rapunzel from Tangled
Milligan from The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart
Col. Robert E. Hogan from Hogan's Heroes
Philip from Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon
Mr. Warne from Miss Potter
Sextus Rubrius from The Kingdom and the Crown by Gerald N. Lund
Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling

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The Rogue Crew Quotes Part 1

>> Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Who rules o'er the Kingdom of Night,/where all is not what it seems?/'Tis I, the Weaver of Tales,/for I am the Dreamer of Dreams!

"Hoolawhey! Hoolawhey!/Hurry to the slaughter./Hiyaree! Hiyaree!/Meet us in the water./Come back here, do not fear,/come and grant our wishes./Join your friends in this sea,/come and feed the fishes./Hoolawhey! Hoolawhey!/We will meet another day./Hiyaree! Hiyaree!/Flee, cowards, flee!"

When Mowlag had gone, Razzid whispered to Shekra, "When will I be fit enough to move about again?"
The vixen bowed respectfully. "Why ask me when you already know, Lord?"
A faint chuckle rose from the bandaged figure. "I would have slain you for answering falsely."

The volemaid asked that question which all little ones ask. "Why?"

"We'll sleep all the day whilst the chaps drill away./Aye, we'll snore just like hogs down a hole,/firm comrades let's stay until our dyin' day,/in the ranks of the great Long Patrol!"

"Ho round an' round an' round ee floor,/shutten ee window, close ee door,/moi likkle beauty take ee charnce,/join Oi en ee molebabe darnce!/Clappen ee paws a-wun, two, three,/twiggle ee tail roight merily,/moi ole granma carn't do thiz,/a-'cos she'm got ee roomatiz!/Jump ee h'up naow gurtly 'igh,/watch thy 'ead, doan't bump ee sky,/jumpen 'igher than ee trees,/hurr, wot 'arpy childs uz bee's!"

"Who can flippin' well say? The tracks are plain, an' what don't speak don't blinkin' well lie, as my pa used t'say."

"Sing rum-toodle-oo, rum-toodle 'ey,/an' splice the mainbrace, matey,/roll out the grog, ye greedy hog,/'cos I ain't had none lately."

"Have ye ever tasted yer ain blood? Well, ye will if ye dinnae answer mah questions, vermin. Now, speak!"

Shekra stood over her charges, snarling. "Git back, ye seascum. These two ain't t'be touched or hurt-cap'n's orders, so stay yore distance!" She whipped out a thin, keen-edged blade, menacing them.
A slobbering weasel gave her a look of mock alarm. "Ho, deary me, ye've got us all frightened, marm!"
The vixen jabbed her blade, making him stagger back. "Better t'be frightened than dead, grogsnout."

Tears sprang to Drander's eyes; his sturdy frame shook. “Cap'n, sah, don't say that, I blinkin' well beg ye! Put me on a fizzer, lock me in the guardhouse, feed me on weeds'n'water, anythin' but chuckin' me out o' the Patrol. 'Tis my whole life, sah!"
Rake Nightfur's attitude took on an unexpected change. He winked at Drander and smote his back heartily. "Och, yer a great gormless galoot, but ye have a guid heart, laddie. Now, how are ye at breakin' doon walls?"
Drander sniffed, wiped his eyes and saluted smartly. "Sah! Just show me the flamin' wall an' I'll break it, sah!"
Rake nodded toward the far section of the wall. "Take Wilbee's spear an' let's see ye do a wee bit o' damage tae that. Smartly, now!"
Big Drander grabbed the spear and charged the wall, his bellows ringing out over the din of javelin rattling. Everybeast leapt aside as he stampeded past. "Eulaliiiiaaaa! Blood'm'vinegaaaaar!" He hit the composition of sand, limestone and reed grass so hard that he went clear through it.
Captain Rake stepped through the huge, ragged gap and shook his paw. "Well done, bucko! All charges dropped, Ah think, eh!"
Drander's face lit up like a summer sunset. From flat on his back, where he had landed, he saluted. "No more sleepin' on duty for me, sah. Tank ye, Cap'n!"

The pretty hogmaid reached out in the darkness, finding Uggo's paw. "Then we'll have to think of something to tell this vermin Razzid."
Uggo muttered hopelessly. "Huh, like wot?" He winced as Posy tweaked his nose. She berated him angrily. "Like something that'll save my life! Look, I know you're frightened of the vermin—I am, too. But it's no good sitting and moaning here. We've got to do something. Make a plan, try some sort of escape, anything except wait here to be slain!"

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Readers International: The Fellowship of the Ring

>> Friday, July 29, 2011

Today is the 57th anniversary of the day Mr. Tolkien first published The Fellowship of the Ring.
Let's celebrate by studying the fantasy epic's covers through the ages (and around the world).

UK (first edition)
US (first edition)
Canada
1965
1980's
Bulgaria
Estonia
Germany
Sweden
Italy
Romania
Hungary
The Netherlands
Poland
Slovakia



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Captain Typical

>> Saturday, July 23, 2011

Captain America: The First Avenger
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action.

The jokes were funny, the action was pretty good, and the corny parts weren't too bad. I'll admit, the first quarter of the movie was really good. 
But then he somehow ended up as a showboy in a dorky Captain America outfit. Okay, I thought, watching the American hero being humiliatingly displayed as kiddie circus hero, I guess I can let this slide. And I could have, too. I could have ignored the sometimes-fake-looking-CGI (it was pretty good at other times) and the rather downhill plot.
But then the end came.
The credits rolled and I just sat there in a stunned confusion, trying to fathom what had just happened.

Let me clear it up for you.

So, the Captain (named not for his rank but for the circus act afore-mentioned) defeats the villain and disappears under the ocean. Everyone thinks he's dead, including his love interest.
You sit there expecting him to be miraculously rescued, put on a stretcher, and showered in kisses by his lady love. Then, you guess, there will be a cool scene in which he dons his Captain America garb and goes out to fight evil. And only then, you think, will it fade to black.
Not so.
I hate to be harsh, but I have to be honest. It ends with the Captain waking up randomly in the world of 2011, though he still looks as impeccabbly handsome as ever. A man with an eyepatch is quick to inform him that he was "asleep for 70 years" (What?!) and Captain America only replies that he "had a date".
The End.

So, the ending pretty much ruined the entire movie for me.
The only reason they ended it like that was because of the upcoming Avengers movie. They wanted all the superheroes together, apparently, and putting Captain A. in a coma so he could be alive during the modern ages seemed like the only way to be able to squeeze him into next year's movie.
So they destroyed the entire plot of a standalone movie just so they could fit the main character into another film. A film that they don't even know if it's going to be succesful or not.

But I must point out that the first bit of the movie was great. There were hilarious jokes, lovable characters, and it seemed to be going well.

It could have been a decent movie. But, unfortunately, it wasn't.



Favorite Line: "It's OK, I can swim."
Verdict: If you ever do rent it, only watch the first thirty minutes. They're well worth it.
Grey Travel Rating: 3/5
Special Effects: 3/5
Plot: 2/5
Characters: 3/5
Acting: 4/5
Objectionable Content: Uses of the H-word, D-word, and B-word. It is implied that a man moons someone, though nothing is shown.

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I Am An Otter

You're an otter, mate! Another good friend of Redwall, you are a natural swimmer and a deadly fighter especially with a long bow or javellin. Camp Willow is your home, just as Redwall is your second home. You have a good heart and a strong sense of loyalty. You absolutely love Shrimp and Hotroot soup, living by the motto "Ain't nothing 'otter for an Otter!".

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